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Chuck Norris ..... 101 ... Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see. If you can not see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris doesn? T wash his clothes, he eviscerates them. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate af *** ing Indian. In the fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and included in the book are simply the closest anyone else has achieved. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once round kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time and killed Amelia Earhart while flying over the ocean thePacific. Crop circles are Chuck Norris way to tell the world that sometimes corn needs to be the f *** down. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris. It failed miserably. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, always says, until two seconds. After making two seconds til what? roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction has been completed, the Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldnt be mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a tennis match. Chuck Norris does churning. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. The quickest way to Le Mans is a heart with Chuck Norris' fist. A disabled parking sign does not mean that this space is for people with disabilities. In reality, is actually a warning that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that will be at a disadvantage if you park there. Chuck Norris achieved statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. Nagasaki never had a bomb fell on him. Chuck Norris jumped from a plane and hit the ground. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the game of Street Fighter II video, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him a roundhouse kick. When asked about this ruling, Norris said, Thats not a bug. The opening scene of the movie Saving Private Ryan is based on the Dodge Ball game Chuck Norris played in second grade. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, Bang! Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On 19 July 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the Earth's atmosphere, lightning more than 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. A shame NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris has two speeds walk and kill. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks Arent the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake I ever made. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, is a Chucktatorship. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story of Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse ... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you can never know both exactly where and how fast will the Roundhouse-kick in the face. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris decided to punch his way to his mother? S uterus. If you say the name Chuck Norris in Mongolia, the people there roundabout kick in his honor. His absence will be followed by the actual roundabout offers no fewer than Norris himself. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this. When discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris round-kicked in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn. In an average living room there are 1242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. The potato sacks them. Pluto is actually a group of British soldiers in orbit around the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck roundhouse kicked in the face. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he rejects the syringe, and instead requests a handgun and a bucket. No weapons of mass destruction. Only Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles? contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, carrying with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Don Aprons, and decided that it was written in the Bible. All three died soon after the mysterious roundabout related injuries kick. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he did not charge for it? T. Lift the phone and money falls. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell there was a stripper in it. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. Chuck Norris cannot finish a color by the numbers, because the markers are filled with the blood of their victims. Red Unfortunately, all blood is dark. A Chuck Norris delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. The water is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norriss urine was the main ingredient of designer steroids balcony. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single season home run king. Scientists have estimated that the energy emitted during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) Chuck Norris? house has no doors, only walls he walks through. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, not because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. How much wood would be a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would Chuck Norris? ... All. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald ' s in Texas have an even larger size than the size of the superpower. When ordering, just ask Norrisized. Chuck Norris can not believe in the butter. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. The grass is greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. Newtons Third Law is wrong Although it states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is equally strong reaction to a roundabout kick Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. Its called Chuck-kill. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. Urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. Chuck Norris once sued the textbook company Houghton-Mifflin, when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, who has only his skin. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, using all the parties. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his life. Chuck Norris calls this a slow Tuesday. Contrary to popular belief, is not really enough for all of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn? T shaved, kicks to the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other. When taking the SAT, writing Chuck Norris for every answer. Have a score of 1600. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. When you're Chuck Norris, nothing, nothing is equal to 1. A roundhouse kick to the face. Chuck Norris has the greatest poker face of all time. He won the World Series of Poker 1983, despite having only a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green # 4 card from the UN game. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Nobody Does not like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't vomit if you drink too much. Chuck Norris throws! In the beginning there was nothing ... then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said: Get a job. That is the history of the universe. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. Archaeologists unearthed a former English dictionary dating back to 1236. It is defined as a victim who has encountered Chuck Norris Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as the level of awesome can not be contained in one building. If Google search Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked that will generate any results. Just doesn't happen. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, only knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned. Chuck Norris brings the noise and funk. You know how they say if you die in your dream, then you will die in real life? In fact, if the dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. Chuck Norris can blow a revolving door. When Chuck Norris is in a busy area, it does not walk around people. He walks through them James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection he realized that have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Little known medical fact Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when the roundhouse-kicked their way out of his mother? S uterus. Chuck Norris can divide by zero
